Love Pleases; Obedience is Just Expected

Right away we notice the tone of the letter is one of very warm affection. Paul and Philemon deeply love each other as fellow Christians. In verse four, Paul expresses how much he thanks God for Philemon but it is important for us to note for what Paul is thankful. "I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints." Phile 1:4-5 (NIV).

Paul is thankful not for Philemon's obedience but for his love and faith. This is a consistent theme throughout the letters of Paul. Notice the introductions to several of his letters:

"First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world." Rom 1:8 (NIV).

"We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints." Col 1:3-4 (NIV).

"We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." I Th 1:2-3 (NIV).

"We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing." II Th 1:3 (NIV).

It was not that obedience and right conduct were unimportant to Paul. When obedience broke down, Paul took action such as the case of the Corinthian Christian sleeping with his father's wife (I Cor 5). The issue is not that right conduct is not important; the issue is that it is expected. Obedience is a given. It is going beyond the level of obedience that brought joy to Paul.

Let's think of our own children. Imagine that our child comes home from school and begins telling us about his day. "Hey, Dad! You would have been so proud of me today. I mean, I didn't murder anyone at all. I didn't commit any adultery. Why, I didn't even steal any automobiles on the way home. Yup, I'm a good boy. Aren't you proud of me!" In most cases, such a conversation would probably arouse more concern than joy! In contrast, when we see our children demonstrating a sincere love in their actions and words, that is when they put a smile on our faces.

As it was with Paul and as it is with our children, so it is with God. We could go to God and say, "Yup, God, you'd be so proud of me; I didn't commit any murder today; I didn't commit any adultery today; I didn't steal today and I didn't even fall down and worship any other gods" but I do not think this kind of prayer would put a smile on God's face.

Let me be painfully clear lest anyone think I am saying all is love and thus sin and commandments are no longer important.  Indeed, if we all loved perfectly, sin and commandments would be irrelevant but the overwhelming majority of us do not love perfectly.  In fact, a subtle theme of this book is that many of us do not really understand love at all – at least God's perfect love.  As mentioned, it is not that obedience and commandment keeping are unimportant; it is that they are a given.

If you are thinking about committing adultery, DON'T.  If you are thinking about living together with someone in a sexual relationship outside of marriage between a man and a woman, DON'T.  If you are thinking of stealing, murder, gossip, getting drunk, the answer is simple – DON'T!

It does not matter how greatly we struggle with sin or how powerfully we are disposed to it.  Obedience is still expected.  There are no exceptions in Heaven.  We will not arrive in Heaven to hear Jesus say, "There's no drunkenness in Heaven except for Suzy who is so genetically predisposed with alcoholics on both sides of the family and an abusive upbringing that we allow her to get drunk and just make sure she walks instead of flies home." No, there are no exceptions to righteousness in Heaven.  If, at your final judgment when all things are clear, you are unrepentant about your adultery, fornication, active homosexuality, drunkenness, gossip, gluttony, racism, pride, greed, wife beating, child beating, hatred, lying or any other sin, you are going to Hell.  It is that simple.  No excuses, no exceptions.  Sin through weakness is forgivable and, by God's grace, will always eventually be overcome.  Sin through willful choice, refusing to acknowledge that it, indeed we, are wrong, is what populates Hell.

It is good that we have grown to understand how people are victims of their genetic and environmental predispositions.  Yes, for some of us, addictive behavior, promiscuity, gossip, deceit or anger are non-issues.  For others of us, they seem like insurmountable mountains because of genetic and environmental factors such as abuse, trauma or mental illness.  We need to view those of us who sin grievously with great compassion, understanding and mercy.  The struggle against these obvious sins for some of us "sinners" may be far more virtuous than the struggle against lesser sins for the other more seemingly "righteous" of us.  The blanket, intolerant, compassionless condemnation of sinners should be relegated to an ugly past.  It was ignorance at best and piously gilded hatred, judgment, vanity or redirected guilt at worst – frequently greater sin than the sin being condemned!

However, just because a sinful behavior is understandable does not make it excusable.  The sinful behavior still has destructive consequences for others.  In our growth toward understanding ourselves as victims (the impact of others' sins upon us), we sometimes forget we are also perpetrators (the impact of our sins upon others).  Indeed, when we look upon sins – our own or those of others – we must remember sinners are both victims and perpetrators.  Whatever the sin, from suicide to abuse to drunkenness to hatred to greed, we sinners are both victims and perpetrators.  As victims, we need God's compassion, patience and understanding.  As perpetrators, we need God's mercy, forgiveness and grace and we must repent and resolve to stop victimizing others.

Yes, sin is real and thus Hell, commandments, law and obedience are real.  Returning to our subject, with God, obedience and right behavior are givens - they are expected - but God wants us to move beyond that level of relationship. He does not rejoice in a relationship stunted at obedience alone just as that is not what made Paul rejoice in the case of Philemon, the Romans, the Colossians or the Thessalonians. Like Paul, God rejoices when He sees us growing in love and faith - when He sees us growing into a different level of relationship than obedience alone.

Indeed, faith and love are closely interwoven. True faith does not spring from a mathematical understanding of God. True faith flourishes when we understand God's wisdom and power as it flows toward us through the channel of His mercy and love. Faith trusts God's love for us. True faith grows from a relationship founded on love. That is what puts a smile on God's face for God prefers love to obligation.